Confession, Safety, and Becoming a Honest Community

*This is adapted from an email I wrote to my small group. Though it comes from a specific moment in our community, the principles are rooted in Scripture and apply widely. 

We talked recently about confession, and I want to encourage you to have someone you can confess sin to. Churches should be communities where sinners can be honest and safe. But often they’re not. We’re not. Maybe we don’t spend enough time together. Maybe we’re not trustworthy enough. Something is wrong with the church (not just my church — the church, which includes my church).

I’ve been hearing from multiple places that our communities don’t spend enough time together. That lack of shared life makes the sort of intimacy and trust needed for things like confessing our sin to one another really hard. I’m going to be spending time praying and thinking about that.

In the meantime, I want to encourage you: if you’re struggling with sin, confess it to another person. As I mentioned in the conversation that sparked this, I don’t get to be the best example because we don’t live in a system where it’s entirely safe for a pastor to confess his own sin to his congregation. But I do want you to know this: I do confess sin. I’ve confessed to trusted fellow pastors. I’ve confessed to a mentor outside our system. I just think it’s really important to have a confessor.

Even if you don’t feel like you can confess to someone in your immediate church community, you still need to have someone. And not just your spouse.

I had a particularly transformative experience with something called The Samson Society as a new Christian. https://www.samsonsociety.com/ It was a "Protestant ministry of confession." It was run sort of like AA, but with some tweaks to make it explicitly Christian, and it wasn't (just) about alcohol, substance abuse, or sex. It was about SIN.

I think it would be a beautiful thing if our churches became the kind of communities where sinners were safe to be honest about their sin — where we seemed so safe that people could even take the risk of confessing before relationships feel fully secure. I know that’s hard and scary, but it’s part of becoming the kind of community Jesus intends for us to be.

Then we would be the sort of community where sinners can repent, believe, and grow in grace — which is what God calls the Church to be: a hospital for sinners, not a hiding place (Luke 5:31–32).

So here’s a simple practice for the week:

Write down a sin you’re struggling with, and then dispose of it — burn it, drown it, shred it, whatever you want. This isn't good enough. You need to talk to someone. You need a confessor. But it's a start.

Then reflect on how it feels. And if you’re willing, talk with someone about the experience. And don't let confession stop there.