Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not as for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are a servant of Jesus Christ.(Colossians 3:23-24 ESV)
Whatever you do, in word or deed, do all things in the name of Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. (Colossians 3:17 ESV)
So, whether you eat or drink, do all things to the glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:31)
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven. (Matt. 5:16)
So, I’m working at Homeland now as a Produce Stocker. And while I’m there during the day, it’s actually incredibly easy to use my time to memorize Scripture. So, I’m carrying around a baggy with Scripture cards in it, and I just switch them out as I get them memorized. I memorize it, think about it, pray through, then review, and start the next one.
But these texts which I memorized today really leave me pondering a lot of things. What does it mean to do all things to the glory of God? What is Produce Stocking to the glory of God? Or Produce Stocking in the name of Jesus Christ? How will it affect me if I work as for the Lord and not as for men.
Well, I started exploring that. And, it makes a difference, I’m not sure how or why, but especially I started asking, How is God writing my story? Why am I here? I’m really struggling with why I’ve been rejected at every job I’ve applied for except this one that someone else got me and I didn’t even apply for? Why is this happening? Why am I here? Can God really be using this to help compel me towards ministry, how is God using this in my life?
And I found a strangely compelling answer as I read The Innovation Secrets of Steve Jobs. Jobs spent a good part of his life seeking out new experiences. He went to India, took a calligraphy class, even worked on an apple farm (that’s actually how Apple became, well, “Apple”.) Innovation, the books says, is spurred on by having new experiences, by doing things you wouldn’t normally do.
Produce stocking is definitely something new for me. What’s more, I’m getting experience that many of the people I will some day pastor, whether I become a vocational pastor or not, will have had, or will be having. What’s more than that, frankly, it’s humbling me, because I don’t feel like I should be here. Anyways, I want to reflect and write more, but I have to go back to work now. Ugh.
Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring. Proverbs 27:1 ESV
I feel like this is part of what God is trying to teach me right now. This Proverb keeps coming up. Whether I run into in a book, on the internet, or the Lord just sees fit to bring it to my mind all the time.
And maybe it’s not as much the “about tomorrow. . .” part that God is trying to teach me, though that is certainly in there. I think it’s more the “Do not boast” part that God is trying to get through my thick skull.
But, you know, I boasted I was going to seminary, I am, eventually, but it’s getting put off a little longer than I thought. I thought I was going one great job after another, and pretty confidently told people I was going to get this job or that job without knowing, and you know what? They all fell through, I’ve gotten none of them so far, I’ve been rejected by all of them, and so am stuck at Homeland as a Produce Stocker (which isn’t terrible work, don’t get me wrong, but that minimum wage just doesn’t work without the budget we planned on with a baby on the way.) I’ve thought I was going to do lots of things, whether it was things I’d do at CtK, things I’d do with City Pres, things I would do in music, jobs I thought I’d get, things I thought I’d do, and things just have this way of falling through on most things which I tell people I will do. And then God keeps bringing this to me. And I wonder if he isn’t trying to teach me something.
And you’ve got to understand, I’m not saying, well, if you tell people what you’re going to do, God will thwart you, I’m saying God is teaching me not to BOAST. I keep BOASTING about what it is I am going to do. I want to impress people. I want people to like me. I want people to think I’m great. I want people to want me to be a part of their stuff and think I’m cool. And I constantly hurt my relationships, because I’m afraid people won’t like me. I fear not being liked. I have a fear of man. Being liked, well liked, and having people think I’m awesome and good at stuff is an idol, and I spend a lot of time serving it in any way I can, do anything I can think of to get people’s approval. That scares me a lot, because, that could destroy a ministry. That could destroy me as a pastor. God, GOD, I need help. Please help me. Oh dear God. Help me! This is the first time I think, you know, I’ve known it, acknowledged it before, but right now is maybe that first time I’ve ever felt the “fear of God” over it. Oh, dear God, Lord Jesus, Help me. Please, break this idol in my heart, Holy Spirit soften my heart, rip out my idols, and place Jesus there. Please, draw me close Jesus, comfort me. And your will be done, not mine, as much as I hate, use me how you see fit, even if it’s not how I want to serve you, use me as you have designed me. Lord, I ask for peace, but more than I that, I just pray will be done. . . But Lord, take this idol away, so I can be a godly man. I desire to serve you, and I think I’m called to be a pastor, oh, I don’t know. Lord, just, please, give me more of yourself. That’s what I ask, draw me close and your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
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