Benefits of (Small) Groups That Grow

 *This is adapted from an email I wrote to a group of small-group leaders. Though it’s tied to a specific discussion around a book we're reading together: Cloud and Townsend's Making Small Groups Work, the principles apply widely to anyone thinking about discipleship and spiritual growth. 

Chapter 4 focuses on the benefits of groups that grow, and I found myself thinking a lot about how difficult—but also how necessary—this work really is.

I know it is hard to talk about our sin and what’s bothering us in front of others. Some of us are private by nature. Some of us come from cultures that say you just don’t talk about those things. And there is wisdom in knowing who to trust, and wisdom in not sharing everything with everyone.

So as small group leaders, we enter into a difficult task: encouraging our groups toward what Cloud and Townsend call “the surprising benefit [of] the possibility of being connected, heart and soul, to God and others without having to edit, pretend, or hold back” (57).

They are not saying this kind of honesty is something you practice with everyone. They are saying that everyone needs a place where they can practice it. Because when that kind of vulnerability is present, “the group experience itself changes members’ hearts in subtle ways…these benefits are honesty, integration of character, and normalizing struggle” (57).

When Cloud and Townsend talk about groups that grow, they are not talking about numerical growth. They’re talking about spiritual growth—growth in vulnerability, honesty, and maturity. In some of my doctoral work, I’ve come across Ed Stetzer’s conclusion (based on studies I don’t fully understand the mechanics of) that healthy churches tend to have members growing in what he calls redemptive vulnerability. Again, this is not telling everyone everything. But churches that cultivate truly safe spaces for vulnerability tend to be measurably healthier and often experience growth as well.

That means one of the things we need to do as small group leaders is look at each member of our group and ask: Where does this person need to grow?

Part of that involves encouraging real connections within the group. We can’t control what people do during the week, but we can cast a vision. We can clearly say that we want people talking to one another, texting one another, emailing one another, getting together with one another. That’s hard. But if small groups are going to be a real context for growth, the group has to take on something like a family role.

This is common language in both church and therapeutic settings, and I think it’s part of why the Bible consistently uses family language for the church. As Cloud and Townsend put it, “experiencing relationship in a group gives members a model to relate to their spouses, dates, families, kids, friends, and coworkers” (58). The church becomes a kind of surrogate family where healthy things can be worked out.

Now, we can’t create every experience necessary for growth—that’s God’s job. But what can we do? We can pray. We can pray for specific experiences to happen in each person’s life. And as we pray, we can become attentive—ready to respond wisely, sensitively, and prayerfully when the Holy Spirit opens doors.

At the very least, we can begin praying for each member by name. We can pray specifically for the kind of experience that might help them heal or grow. We can imagine what that experience might be and ask God to create it in and through the group. This is the essence of shepherding—and that is what small group leaders are.

And maybe, as we pray, God will also give us wisdom to know how we can help create some of those experiences within the group itself.

But all of this rests on one foundational reality: our groups must be safe places to face shame and failure.

Romans 8:1 tells us, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” If I’m honest, my experience of the Church tells me that this is always true of God—but not always true of Christians. And yet, this is exactly what our groups must aim for. As Cloud and Townsend write:

“A healthy group lets the person know there is no condemnation. Just as a good family helps a child become aware of and address her strengths and weaknesses, the group encourages all parts of its members to come out…. The point is this: we all need a place to accept, experience, and integrate all parts of ourselves in an atmosphere of love and safety. Help your group to be that place” (62).

This is not easy work. It takes real wisdom. And it takes time—because vulnerability requires trust, trust requires relationship, and relationship takes time.

But this is what small groups are for.

If we are not intentionally pursuing the growth of the members of our small groups in Christian maturity, then it’s worth asking: what on earth are we doing at all?